Arrival fallacy, the belief that attaining a certain goal will bring you happiness “thereafter”.

I do not care what the original research says (“the truth”), I am discussing what the masses (and pop culture) talks about (cuz that’s what they, and probably including you, held truth in their perception).

And this arrival fallacy bs (in such interpretation), is hindering you from your potential and blocking you from living that dream life of yours, attaining real happiness.

Yes, real happiness!

Can happiness be “fake”?

Hm.

You truly feel happy when you ate that slice of pizza after dinner, but you soon get mad at yourself for eating extra cuz your weight isn’t going down (but up!).

You truly feel happy when you played video games instead of doing your homework after school, but you soon go nuts because the sun is rising and you again, find yourself rushing to finish them and have no time to sleep.

But would you call that “real” happiness?

I won’t.

I feel happier when I have enough self-control to stop when I feel I’ve had enough food for the day and am able to acquire and keep that dream physique of mine.

I feel happier when I know I’ve done everything needs to be done for my peace of mind.

I enjoy seeing myself making progress every day and have the confidence that I can handle anything that would come my way.

I enjoy having faith in god and myself.

I enjoy being a person that I find reliable.

What needs to be done, get done.

If I ain’t go after certain goals, I don’t want it. Cuz if I do, I’ve done that (or would have been doing that).

Cuz why on earth are you living if you aren’t taking the steps to realise your dreams? There is NO POINT AT ALL?

What? Survive just to survive?

For a life that is nothing like what I want?

No thanks.

You should have the same mentality.

Do not “arrive”; do this instead

I actually agree that “getting” certain things, if they cannot change how you live at a day-to-day basis, cannot bring you long-lasting (“real”) happiness.

For example, you maybe so excited for getting a new phone, and will be happy for a week (or two), but you then soon become desensitised of it and return to your baseline happiness.

You did not “become a happier” person because you’ve got a new phone!

So what the majority does?

Chase for another fab!

Oh, this new trend? Count me in!

Oh, this new hairstyle? Gotta get it!

Oh, everyone is up to this shiny object? Oh, me too, I am relevant!

Yet you still feel unfulfiled shortly after, and the cycle repeats itself.

You’ve tried a thousand times, buddy. It (chasing the next new fab) is clearly NOT working.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expect a different result.

-Albert Einstein

Guess you are insane!

Well, we all have been there.

Cuz afterall, that’s the best we knew. You didn’t know what else you can do other than repeating that stupid cycle…

No longer!

There IS a way to make you a happier person in the long-run, without falling back to your previous baseline happiness after the immediate euphoria (like that you feel after getting your new iphone 16).

What brings you REAL happiness

Well, YOU.

Yes, you!

The answer always lie within, never outside.

Yet we always seek happiness from the outside.

We want other’s validation.

We want other’s admiration (mostly out of vanity- your big big ego).

We want to appear great in other people’s eyes.

We want to be seen as desirable.

Ok, you may have done everything to make the world fall in love with you.

But how about you?

Have you done anything, to make you fall in love with you?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like yourself?

Really think about it. How much?

How do you like the way you look? Your style (e.g. clothings, accessories, makeup), your hair, your skin? (Yes, physical appearance counts. Let’s be honest.)

How do you like the way you show up in front of others? Are you shy? Insecure? Constantly seeking for validation (“ohhhhh do I look stuuupidd in theeseeee clothessss??” (I don’t know, but you are obviously stupid with that question.)

How much do you trust yourself? In your promises? Would you do it, if you say you would do it? (Or are your words are like garbabge to you? When you say “I’m on diet”, yet still go out and order a meal set for two persons for yourself??)

How much do you trust in your ability- in handling stressful situations? In achieving your goals?

If you are like most people, you probably rate yourself 0!

And that’s a good thing in a sense that you’re awakened AND are honest with yourself.

Not everyone can do that.

They preferring burying their heads in the sane and ignore the truth, and continue living unhappily, as someone who they’ve never wanted (or even hate– a lot) to be, of a life they’ve never (and will never) want to live.

Don’t be one of those people.

Life is short and there is no time for sugarcoating things.

Any minute you delay solving the problems in your life and trading you a minute of you living a life free of that problem.

Show yourself some self-respect and self-care by cherishing your time, and actually doing something to better your life.

You can’t do nothing for yourself and ask yourself to love you.

Would you love someone who doesn’t care about you at all?

Who doesn’t know what you want for yourself, what you want out of this life, and doesn’t care about them at all?

Who may know, but does’t care enough to go get and provide you with what you want?

You are not stupid.

You cannot genuinely love such person.

So, the only way to self-love, contrary to the common belief of “hugging yourself” “kissing yourself” “treating yourself” which you’ve tried and knew that’s bs,

Is to BECOME a person you would love to be.

As simple as that.

4 steps to become who you were BORN to become

Congratulations for making this far!

Merely by doing so, I can see that you’re a person who’s serious about yourself and care about your life.

You’re amazing!

Let me provide you with a simple action plan below:

1- Sit with yourself and FROM YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES, find out what you DON’T want.

For example,

• I DON’T want a 9 to 5 job. (or simply “I DON’T want to work for others”)
• I DON’T want to carry extra pounds with me.
• I DON’T want to feel insecure.
• I DON’T want to feel helpless.
• I DON’T want to be always lagging behind in class/work.

2- Next, convert those to positive statement that can help you ESCAPE.

For example,

• I want to work for myself -> I want to start my own business.
• I want to have a lean body.
• I want to feel confident (in my self-trust and ability).
• I want to feel empowered (you can’t “control” anything; but you can have the confidence and ability to bounce back from anything. There is no stopping you.)
• I want to keep myself on track.

3- Do your research.

This is the “how to” part.

Now you know what you want; but how do you get there?

Well, we must work smarter, not just harder.

We only do what actually works in real-life (not in your or someone else’s perception: “I imagine doing this may be good”. Really, what kind of statement is that????).

Ok, so we now agree on to produce the right outcome, we must have the right process.

Since learning is the master skill to anything you want in life (if you can’t learn, what can you do?), let’s say you’re a student who wants to feel confident in their learnings in school (or outside school).

So, you gotta learn how to learn! Aka how your brain learns.

It’s not how hard you work, it’s how you work.

Rereading your notes for 10 thousand times will not do anything for you, when your brain actually needs you to actively recall that information to store it into your long-term memory.

Recalling the information for 10 thousand times a day will not do anything for you, when your brain actually needs some spacing between that recall to trigger reconsolidation (so it stays in your long-term memory).

And so on.

Would you shout “save!” to your word document and expect your computer to save it for you?

No!

You press the save button.

Same way with your brain.

Don’t use it as how you like it because it’s not your design.

Learn it’s innate settings and work according to it (not against it, like most people do- shouting “save!”!).

4- Make your plan.

Now, don’t rush to make detailed plans.

Since you’ve done nothing (about that specific goal) before, your plan will be largely flawed.

So, just pick one direction and start doing something about it.

For example, you now decide to write your notes in question-answer format, and use active recall (answering those questions without looking at the answers) for revision, instead of your old note taking and rereading tactics (which are clearly not working- or you would have been where you wanted to be, isn’t it?).

Don’t get too excited and expect everything will work out perfectly instantly, and blindly consume yourself in your new tactics.

Calm down.

Treat anything in life like an experiment; because they are.

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

-Albert Einstein

I am not saying that the science of your brain is so unique that active recall won’t work for you.

I am saying that there are lots of naunces to be take caren of, before you can use active recall efficiently.

For example, you must write good questions.

If your question is so vague that you won’t even know what you’re asking in a day or two, you may come to the wrong conclusion that “active recall doesn’t work for me”, when the real problem is your prompt writing skill sucks.

Something like that.

So don’t come to conclusions too fast.

Approach everything with an open mind. (This is KEY.)

With your experiences, an open mind, and some researching, you would get ideas on how to refine your action plan and direction.

Do it.

But again, treat the refinement as an experiment.

Always look for feedback, then adjust accordingly.

For example, test yourself on how much you remember by doing some practice questions, see how much better you perform.

(note: Don’t wait for official tests or examinations. The tighter your feedback loop, the faster your progress.)

Repeat this “do -> test -> feedback -> research -> pivot -> do again” cycle.

Until you’re successful.

Until you become better. And better. And better. And better.

There is no end point.

The only time to stop improving is when you’re dead.

Are you dead??

Not yet? Good. Keep going.

What to expect!

Getting up energised.

Looking forward to start your day.

Feeling great about yourself (actually, you’d become kind of self-obsessed- not in a harmful, narcisstic way, but pure confidence and uplifting energy. People will radiate towards your aura.).

Feeling positive and full of hope about life.

Enjoying life on a minute to minute basis (without the needing any “new shiny object”. All you want is new progression in life, in YOUR own terms.).

Feeling vibrant and refreshed from all the new progress you were making at a daily basis.

Sustained long-term fulfilment and gratification from life-long perfection (you become better every single day. No, don’t compare yourself with the ideal; compare your current self ONLY with the person you were yesterday.)

What else?

I will leave it to your own discovery.

Just remember, your life is within your palm.

You create your reality. Your reality is merely the projection of your mind.

If you can see yourself becoming that dream version of you and living that dream life of yours, AND you’re committed to (aka willing to invest your time and energy in) realising that, you 100% (or 100000%) will achieve that.

Your mind is the key to ANYTHING you desire in life.

Plant your seed today, and reap your dreams in no time.