Feeling ashamed is a sign of misinterpretation.

As an infant firstborn to this earth, you felt ashamed for nothing.

But as you looked around, started watching and listening to these people telling you what is “acceptable”, “normal”, or “good”, you started to develop a system of judgment within you- which you use to judge yourself more than anyone else.

You have an ideal self you want to bring to life, but every time you attempt to move closer, people call you’re “cringy”, saying that you’re “trying too hard”, so you stop doing anything.

You have dreams, but people laugh at them, and call you “delusional”, so you hide them away and never dared to touch them again.

You have new projects that you’d love to try, perhaps a business, or simply making new friends or starting a new hobby; but you’re afraid of making mistakes or failing which will “make you look dumb”, so you decide to sit back and do nothing.

You have expectations of other people- but people won’t “allow you”.
– You want a tall boyfriend, or a beautiful girlfriend? Ew! You’re so superficial!
– You want someone who loves you for you, not what you have to offer? No one like that exists!
– You expect your husband to pay all the bills and buy you gifts? You’re such a gold digger!
– You want your partner to be great yet loyal to you? With that kind of expectations, you’re gonna be alone forever!
– You want loyal friends who truly care about you? Haha, who do you think you are?

So, you started to have no standards at all and accept everyone for everything.

So, here you are: being a person you don’t like, having your schedule filled with things that you don’t care, not trying anything at all, and surrounded by people that you absolutely hate.

With due respect, a life like that is no difference with a trash can.

And to make things worse, if you’re someone who’s less bothered by shame, people will criticise you for that and label you as an “impudent” person.

Oh, what a wonderful world!

It’s time to save yourself from all the nonsense and take back your power.

In this letter, I am going to show you what you have to realise to stop feeling ashamed, so you can

• free yourself from that emotional jail,
• admit your dreams to yourself and start working on them- even if others judge,
• experience and experiment with whatever you want to- as you overcome the fear of making mistakes and failing,
• allow yourself to leave whoever cannot fulfil your expectations without guilt, and
• build strong standards and boundaries for who is allowed in your life, so you will never have to spend time with the wrong people again.

Let’s dive in.

1. The successful ones never judge

Frankly, only pathetic people who have no lives have the time and attention to judge other people.

Why? Because the successful ones

• have a vision for life. They are busy. You are the least of their concerns.
• are self-focused. All they think about is how can they become and do better, so as to contribute more.
• respect other people. They understand that everyone has their unique vision and there is nothing funny about it.
• have been there. They have been judged, and have also ignored the judgments, and go on to make their mistakes and fail. The more successful they are, the more mistakes they have made, and the more they have failed.

Next time when you attempt to try and people start judging you, just remember that they are losers themselves and will never achieve anything in life (if they keep holding on that mindset).

Take the leap of faith and try anyway. You will find your companions, who are doing the same, on your way of trial and error.

2. You are not asking for too much, you are asking the wrong person

It’s not your expectations; it’s your eyesight (for choosing people).

You think you or your expectations are wrong, when the issue is you’re being with the wrong people.

They tell you you are expecting too much? Oh, the complete sentence is they find you expecting too much from them.

They aren’t able or willing to give you that.

I wouldn’t say who’s right or who’s wrong, because there is no right or wrong in expectations.

People have different expectations and that’s all fine (given that they aren’t forcing the other person to fulfil their expectations).

You want a beautiful girlfriend?
You want a rich man?
You want loyal friends?

Good, go find yours. What’s the big deal? Who cares?

Well, insecure people care.

They got pissed off when you say you want a beautiful woman because they aren’t beautiful.
They got pissed off when you say you want a rich man because they are broke.
They think it’s impossible to find loyal friends because they aren’t loyal.

From now on, your lens should classify people into two types- the ones who can and are willing to fulfil your expectations, and those who aren’t.

Everyone will and can only fall into one of these two categories. Don’t overthink this; if unsure, put them in the latter category.

3. Failures and mistakes are the necessary blocks to successes

Think about self-driving cars. How can they navigate so accurately in their directions, forces, etc.?

Because they have failed many times. And it’s the failures that gave it feedback to adjust everything.

That’s what failures are- feedback. They tell you what doesn’t work, so you can adjust accordingly.

You can’t succeed without failures; and even if you do, it’d be a superficial and easy to lose one.

The same goes for mistakes.

If you don’t know what’s wrong, you can’t understand what’s right.

And please don’t misunderstand that you can ever be so well-prepared that you won’t make any mistakes.

You can only learn lessons from real life. I mean, you have to get instructions from books and courses (which are extremely important and underrated), but at the same time you must put those things into real-life practice in your own life so you see how it applies to YOUR life.

You won’t learn the nuances that you need anywhere else but your own life. Your first-hand experiences.

Let’s say you’re trying to be more confident. But you don’t understand what’s confidence, and you end up being arrogant, which pushes people away from you.

From this mistake, you understood that confidence is not arrogant. It’s not about being loud and making yourself the centre of attention.

And as you keep adjusting your presentation you will start to trace the edges of confidence- it’s about YOU, you recognising your own worth, and not being influenced by other people’s opinions.

How can you reach that conclusion if you haven’t attempt to make any mistakes?

Stop wondering “will it work” “is this right”. Give it a try, and you’ll be given a concrete, unambiguous answer.

Plus, don’t worry about the “next step” before you start. The road only reveals as you begin walking.

4. You got temporary hate from not listening to them, but permanent hate from not listening to YOU

I cannot emphasise this enough.

The only person you can’t afford to lose is you.

Realise that anyone- even the ones you find closest to you (say, your parents, spouse, kids, or best friends)- have nothing to do with your life.

Yes, they may have important contributions to your life and have been supporting you along the way; but at the end of the day, only you have to be you, only you have to live your life.

They don’t.

And most of the time the people who judge you are just random strangers, or people who aren’t contributing anything to your life.

They aren’t paying your bills. They aren’t securing you a place to live. They aren’t bringing food to your table.

Yet they have the audacity to tell you what to and what not to do.

Aren’t you mad?? Why aren’t you mad??

I would suggest you ask them to fuxk off!

Here’s the thing: they’re telling you it’s not a big deal because it’s not them. It’s you. And they don’t give a damn about you.

They call you cringy because they don’t see (or care) how important being your dream person is to you.

They ask you not to dream that way because they don’t see (or care) how bad you want it.

They say you’re asking for too much because they don’t love you (bruh, they don’t even care), so they don’t think you’re worthy of the things you want. (Hm, why are you still there, being with this kind of people??)

They say you have too high standards because they don’t see (or care) how much it’d hurt when you allow yourself to be with anyone who’s anything less.

“If you knew how difficult and long it took some people to recover their peace of mind and happiness, you’ll understand why they shut all doors at any potential negativity and also why they can be so selective about who they allow in their lives”

-unknown

They don’t care!

So why would you care about them?

Why would you want to live your life for these animals??

Stop it.

You will die one day. Haven’t you realise that yet? You aren’t meant to be permanent. Of course, no one is. You, and the people who are judging you, are not gonna leave this earth alive.

What would matter, then?

Is it how other people perceive you? Obviously not.

It’s how you’ve actually lived and experienced your life with the time you’re granted with.

Just live however you want it- if they can’t take that, well, let them go.

You aren’t that important, honestly. They don’t care. They will forget you as soon as you stop engaging with them, so feel relieved.

5. Your desires cannot be changed by any means

Your desires are divine- given by the creator, if you will.

They can be hidden, they can be suppressed, but they will never go away.

In fact, the stronger you suppress it, the harder it tries to manifest.

You can’t fight them.

You can only obey- that is, fulfil yourself- even if they are just “superficial pursuits” like beauty, money, and fame.

The fact is, “shallow” pursuits are part of human nature, denying them denies the fact that you are a human. And by not accepting yourself, you become very insecure and may start to hate yourself.

And perhaps more importantly, fulfiling your superficial needs is necessary to reveal your deeper desires.

Think about it, how on earth could a person suffering from financial stresses focus on what meaningful contributions can they make with this life? All they worry about is their survival!

It’s the same for any other “superficial pursuits”.

If you’re occupied by the worries of your looks, your test scores, your job, you’re not gonna “realise your meaningful dreams”.

Fix these burning problems first. Even if they are just symptoms of a deeper underlying problem (e.g. hating how you look due to society’s “beauty standards”, which is not a physical appearance problem, it’s a confidence problem)- you have to attempt to fix them first, and only when you failed to do so, will you seek deeper solutions.

You want to look good, you want to be attractive, you want to be rich, you want to have status, you want to have power.

You want to have a say over your life, you want freedom, you don’t want to be chained by any means due to a lack of resources or confidence.

Well, then, achieve them.

Take actions.

Anything you desire, is everything you should do. See them as “commands”.

Some people will say anything to bring you down and stop you from doing it- like “who do you think you are?”, “its not gonna work, stop wasting your time”, “you are embarrassing”, but if you can’t stand the hit, you can’t stand at the top.

Winners (people who work towards their goals no matter what) are always lonely until they succeed and meet each other at the top.

6. “No” means “not yet”

Sometimes you find people’s judgments valid.

We certainly aren’t “good enough” for some of the things we want.

It’s not “good” or “bad”, it’s just a fact, a neutral description of our current status.

Maybe we aren’t confident enough. Maybe we lack the knowledge or skill. Maybe we lack the experience.

Say you want to make a lot of money. What are you planning to do to get it? Do you understand how money works? Do you have the mental resilience to deal with the inevitable mistakes and failures?

No? Well, ACQUIRE IT.

Say you want a good relationship with someone you like. And you don’t think you are good enough for that person. Maybe you’re insecure about your physical appearance, age, financial status, or the level of intelligenes, the stages of awareness development. Or, you just simply lack the confidence to believe that you are worthy of a good person, who loves and cherishes you.

Then, you’ll have to work on each of these. Self-development and inner work are good starting points.

People think they have to give up when they see what they lack, when they can simply go acquire it!

No one is “born” with perfect knowledge or skills. We are built to be, not born to be.

Understand this and you will see challenges as tasks to deal with instead of reasons to give up.

The end of shame is the start of freedom

You can make any mistake in life, but one thing that you must NOT do is to settle for anything below your dreams.

People would tell you “it’s better than nothing” but deep down, you know anything other than what you want means nothing to you.

So instead of settling, just focus on yourself, work on yourself, so that you become qualified for whatever you want.

That’s the reason why you’re granted this life-time- it’s for your transformation.

Fix your mindset, aquire the skills, build your wealth, nurture your relationships.

You cannot lose if you don’t quit.

If you succeed at your first trial, great; but if you failed, well, pick yourself up and do it again.

Life is temporary.

Make more mistakes than necessary. Fail more than necessary. It’s ok, it’s nice- you’ll have more experience to fuel your life philosophy, so you can make better judgments and decisions.

That’s how you live a better life. It’s your quality of mind, not any materialistic things.

Don’t let anything stop you. Yes, get disappointed, get frustrated, get teased, but at least you will never regret.

Make sure your 85-year-old self looks back and says, “yes, I have lived this life well.”

Thank you for reading.